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Who is an introvert?
A classic definition of an introvert would be, an individual who prefers a calm and quiet environment. They prefer a minimally stimulated environment, as being in an overly stimulating environment drains their energy. The word introvert was is originated from the Latin words 'intro' - meaning, 'to the inside' and 'vertere' - meaning 'to turn'. This makes perfect sense, as an introvert is someone who looks into themselves for regaining their energy. But this definition is still not enough for someone to truly understand what being an introvert is like.
What is it like being an introvert?
If you are someone who feels alone being in a crowd, and more comfortable being in your own company, chances are that you are an introvert. Most people still don't consider introversion a character trait. Rather they think of introversion as a shortcoming in personality that can be resolved by pushing introverts to be more social. What these people don't understand is that more than 25-40 percent of the global population are introverts. Among these are some of the most successful and influential people of our time. Advising an introvert to be more social is no different than forcing a right-handed person to write with the left hand.
What sets apart an introvert from an extrovert?
People have to realize that introverts and extroverts are two extremes of the same spectrum. Where we stay on this spectrum defines our level of introversion. One question people often have about introversion is, whether it is a preference or not. While introversion could be a preference for some people, it is not the same in most cases. A person's introversion is closely tied to their affinity for dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter (chemical messengers in our brain that transmit a message from one nerve cell across the synapse to the target cell) that is known as the feel-good neurotransmitter. It creates in us, a sense of happiness, and a rewarded feeling whenever something good happens. Most of our day to day actions can be seen as an attempt to satisfy our brain's need for this feel-good chemical. How we satisfy this need for dopamine, is what sets apart introverts from extroverts.
While extroverts get their energy from being at parties or other highly stimulated environments, introverts do the exact opposite. Introverts also need dopamine for efficient functioning, but as they are highly responsive to it, introverts need dopamine only in really low amounts. Due to this, being in highly stimulating environments like parties, and other crowded social situations drains an introvert of their energy much quicker. This is the reason why an introvert's definition of fun is way different from that of an extrovert. But keep in mind that some introverts can be more outgoing than others. This is because of their lower level of introversion, which lets them recharge more quickly than other introverts.
Why some people find it hard being an introvert
Although the word 'introvert' paints the picture of someone who stays at a remote corner of a party or a social gathering, that is not always the case. Introverts are extremely gifted at camouflaging themselves as extroverts. But this usually occurs at a period of their lives when they are confused about why they feel the way they feel. Because of this confusion, introverts try to blend in and act like extroverts, thinking that being an extrovert is what is considered normal by society. Most people won't even recognize the difference. But on the inside, these introverts are probably having a war with their conscience.
It is a shame that some introverts go through a large part of their life not accepting who they really are. For some introverts, this might not be that big of a deal, as their level of introversion might be significantly small. It might just be a slight discomfort being in an overly stimulating environment for them. But in some other cases, it is not that simple. These introverts think that something is wrong with them, as they don't enjoy most things that people usually seem to enjoy. But this confusion fades away once they understand the reason for their introversion.
Why being an introvert is a blessing
If you think for a moment that being an introvert is a bad thing, you can't be more wrong. Being an introvert is what makes you special. It allows you to pull off amazing things that are almost impossible for most people around you. If we take a look at some of the most successful people in the world today, we can find that a large number of these people are introverts. Introverts are incredibly gifted people. But for them to achieve their full potential, they should first know what they are truly capable of. So here are some of the few things that make introverts amazing.
1. They make excellent listeners. Introverts are considered great listeners as they don't feel the urge to talk, talk, and talk like some people. In a world where everyone is so focused on they have to say, this quality on an introvert makes them dearest to those around them.
2. They make great friends. While introverts are not keen on having a large circle of friends around them at all times, they do create lasting meaningful bonds with others.
3. Introverts are very calculating. The way an introvert brain is wired allows them to analyze a problem carefully and come up with the best decisions. This puts them at a great advantage when it comes to situations that require critical thinking and problem-solving abilities. While most people work hard to hone this skill, it comes naturally to most introverts. The reason why introverts are good at this is based on the fact that introverts spend most of their time observing and assessing others.
4. Introverts have great focus. Though being in overly stimulated environments can be distracting for an introvert, they have unparalleled focus while being in places they are comfortable in. As an introvert has little to no interest in usual things most people are distracted by, they have an upper hand when it comes to focusing on things.
5. Introverts don't seek validation from others. This is another one of the defining characteristics of an introvert. This trait makes an introvert more independent. This doesn't mean they are self-centered, just that introverts don't shape their personality according to what others think of them.
6. They are considerate. While they are not the best conversationalists, introverts tend to think before they speak, rather than just saying what comes to mind. This quality combined with their natural analytical mind allows them to form meaningful conversations with others. This is the reason why people often go to introverts to seek advice.
7. Being an introvert makes your opinions more valuable. As introverts don't have the habit blurting out whatever comes to mind, their opinions are given much more value by others.
8. Introverts make great leaders. A quality most people look in a great leader is their ability to encourage members of their team to contribute their opinions. As an introvert is someone who can deeply connect with others, people find an introvert leader easier to communicate with. An introvert won't be the leader who interrupts and goes like, "Wait how about this" three times while the other person is trying to convey their idea. Instead, an introvert would sit down and listen with genuine interest and then offer their feedback.
How do I know if I am an introvert?
Knowing all these awesome qualities of an introvert, you are probably wondering if you are one. Well, if you are an introvert, chances are, you already know you are one. If you want confirmation, read on.
1.You feel lonely being in a crowd. As absurd as it sounds, an introvert can surely relate to this feeling. Being in a crowd is not an enjoyable feeling for any introvert out there. Chances are, they did not come there voluntarily in the first place.
2. You feel like an old soul. This is another thing most introverts have in common. They feel like an old soul while being with people their age. This feeling stems from the fact that most introverts realize, they are not entertained by the things most people their age are into. Whether it is going to parties, having a really big social media following, things like that. On the contrary, they feel must more content being at home reading their favorite book or listening to music.
3. You feel like you are leading a double life. This is a depressing feeling that most introverts have while they don't realize they are introverts. During this period of their life, the effort they take to blend in and pretend to have fun, only adds to the feeling of leading a double life. They feel like they need to put on a mask while going out, just to feel like they belong. But as they realize why they are different, this feeling will surely fade away.
4. You feel discomfort at the mere thought of small talk. Another one of the defining traits of an introvert is their reluctance to engage in small talk. The reason for this is because small talk is usually shallow and doesn't offer any value to the relationship. While small talk is considered a social norm, introverts tend to avoid it at all costs.
5. You are good at connecting dots. Introverts are good at seeing the bigger picture in situations. This is considered one of the greatest advantages of being an introvert.
6. People misinterpret your introvert nature for rudeness. People usually mistake your introvert nature for rudeness. This is a common thing and I have heard thousands of introverts saying the same thing. But know that it is no one's fault. Even the person who mistook our nature has a reason. We humans as social animals tend to evaluate another person before approaching them. Sometimes these assumptions are based on the vibe they receive from others. And the vibe they receive from an introvert at a social gathering most likely won't be a nice one.
7. You often have conversations with your inner voice. As a person who spends most of their life inside their heads, it is no wonder introverts have an inner voice. Introverts mostly rehearse what they are about to say in the mind first.
8. You understand another person's point of view. This is an underrated characteristic of an introvert. While this doesn't mean introverts agree with everything other people are saying, they understand the reason why others are saying it.
9. You are good at reading others. Introverts are natural psychologists. They are good at reading other people from their behavior. One of the reasons why introverts excel at reading other people is because introverts spend most of their time, listening and observing. This allows them to pick up details that most people miss and join these pieces to create a clear picture of the other person.
10. You have a really small but close friend circle. While introverts are not the best at keeping a wide friend circle, they sure do value deep meaningful relationships. This nicely refined friend circle means the world to you.
11. You are probably a cat person. While this is not a sure-fire way of spotting an introvert, it is safe to assume that most introverts are cat lovers. As cats are one of the most introverted pet animals out there, it is of no wonder that an introvert would be drawn to one.
12. You have a really good imagination. Some of the greatest artists of all time were mostly introverts. While I cannot say that all artists are introverts, what I can say is that most of them are. An introvert's love for solitude combined with their strong focus can give birth to the most wonderful of imaginary worlds. A clear example of this would be J.K Rowling, author of the much loved Harry Potter novels. She is an introvert, and one of the most successful writers of our time.
13.You prefer texting over a phone conversation. This is one of the best ways to spot an introvert, as introverts are widely popular for their dislike for phone conversations. While they are not fond of phone conversations, introverts are happy with text messages, as this gives them more independence.
14. People usually mistake your introversion for shyness. This is another annoying thing all introverts face. People just assume introverts are shy as they don't participate as much as extroverts do. And to add to this, introverts are often advised to step out of their comfort zone and become more social.
15. You find reasons to stay at home. There is no doubt that an introvert would prefer staying at home rather than going out. Some introverts will even make up excuses just to stay at home.
16. You probably have an extrovert partner. Introverts usually find the best partner in an extrovert. This somewhat balances the equation.
17. You are better at writing your feeling rather than speaking them. Introverts are known for taking the time to think about things before speaking. While this makes them talk less, it helps them be better at writing these thoughts. Writing requires refining what' on our mind. And an introvert tends to naturally do this all the time. This doesn't necessarily mean they are world-class writers. But this allows them to be more expressive in their writing.
18. You use your alone time efficiently. Introverts do need their alone time to recharge their energy. But they also take this time to look deeper into meaningful things. This could be about right and wrong, love, friendship, things like that. This makes them wiser in some ways.
19. You hate working in groups. I think this goes without saying. Group assignments are another nightmare that keeps introverts up at night. While being in groups introverts find it harder to voice their opinions.
If you can relate these above-mentioned things, chances are that you are an introvert. While being an introvert in an extroverted world could sometimes be overwhelming, know that it is completely okay to be one. Despite what other people say, you don't have to change who you are. Instead, try explaining to them how you feel. Sometimes it would be hard for other people to understand what you are saying as they can't see things from your perspective, don't be disheartened by that.
Can introverts be more social?
At some point in their lives, most introverts at least once might have wished they were an extrovert. This is normal as being an extrovert would allow them to be more social and participate more. While that is true, your introversion doesn't necessarily mean you can't socialize at all. Every introvert is capable of being social up to a point. And like for everyone else, training their social skills will do wonders in an introvert's life.
How can introverts socialize more without being drained?
There are a few things to keep in mind so you can socialize comfortably without feeling drained all of a sudden.
- Plan ahead. If you have an upcoming party, a family function, or such social situations you would like to go to, plan and prepare. You as an introvert know how much you can socialize. So prepare yourself for the upcoming event. Spend some time to yourself before attending the event. And don't feel pressured to be present there at all times. Take a break or two from the crowd if you have to. Recharge and come back to the occasion once you feel ready.
- Try taking someone who you are comfortable with. Being at a party with someone who gets you can take a lot of pressure off you. As they would try to manage more of the interactions knowing your character.
- Leave when you feel like you have to. Don't feel compelled to stay if you are not comfortable at all. If you think you can manage it - stay, otherwise, you are free to leave.
- If you are getting into a conversation with someone at the party and your introversion kicks in, you can mention that you are an introvert that and you don't go to parties that often. This could give the person you are talking with, an idea of what kind of a person you are. And could also help start a meaningful conversation that introverts find comfortable. But don't go "Hey I am an introvert, I don't go to parties that often" as your opening line(Just saying).
While these tips would surely help you socialize better, I don't recommend using these to pretend to be an extrovert. As it would only help in making you feel like a phoney. And at the end of the day, you will just be another drained introvert, who is stressing about doing the same things the next day too. I don't think that would be a pleasant feeling. Instead, why not embrace who you are? Your introversion is not a limit to what you can achieve, it never had been. So be confident in who you are and live life on your terms.
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